Drama Script

Dramatis Personae:
Kim
John
(All props can be substituted with miming)

Enter Kim and John: Both enter living room setting and sit on couch; John has an excited look

John: Hi babe, how’s your day been?
Kim: The same as always, and you?
John: Great! You’ll never guess what I just heard!
Kim: What?
John: Dead Babies!
Kim: (yell) WHAT?
John: It’s this joke…What’s sadder than ten dead babies in your mailbox? (dramatic pause) One dead baby in ten mailboxes! Ha ha!
Kim: THAT’S SATANIC!
John: No wait, I’ve got a better one: What’s the difference between a watermelon and a baby? (dramatic pause) One you hit with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon! Ha ha!
Kim: John, I love you and all but if you’re going to be my boyfriend, don’t do that.
John: Wait! Wait! What’s funnier than a dead baby? (dramatic pause- Kim looks angry) A dead baby in a clown suit! Ha ha!
Kim: John, that’s horrible!
John: You’ve been touchy lately, How you doing?
Kim: (avoiding his look) I don’t understand what you mean.
John: Tell me what’s wrong.
Kim: Those Jokes are just terrible.
John: Oh come on, it’s not like the second I say it a baby somewhere dies. I mean, (sarcastically) I’m Suuuure there’s a dead baby in a mailbox and near a watermelon and in a clown suit somewhere. Infact, What’s worse than a dead baby? (dramatic pause) A dead baby flying through your window! Ha! Now is there a dead baby here? Nope!
Glass breaking; From offstage a baby doll is thrown into the living room
(Both pause, scared)
Kim: OH MY GOD A DEAD BABY! WHAT DID YOU DO?
John: I didn’t do anything! All I said was “a dead baby flying through your window”
From offstage a baby doll is thrown into the living room again
Kim: (panicked) STOP DOING THAT! Oh this is horrible! Fix it, Fix it!
John: How is this happening? It’s like everything I say comes true! What if I said a dead cat flew through the window?
From offstage a cat’s meow can be heard, and something furry is thrown onto the stage
Kim: STOP IT! STOP IT! (starts slapping John)
John: (dodges) calm down! This power might just be a positive thing. What if I said I had twenty dollars in my pocket?
John reaches in his pocket and retrieves twenty dollars.
John: Now we’re talking!
Kim: John, you’d better be careful with this!
John: Why? It’s not like I’m going to say “What if a bear walked into the house?”
A roar is heard from offstage
Kim: JOHN! WHAT DID YOU DO?
John: Oh man! I swear I’ll never tell another dead baby joke ever again, I swear!
Both exit stage left